procrastination, patience, premature

I thought hey, if I hurry I could get more than one post in this month. The thing about hating 'catch up' is I'm a procrastinator - and I operate well in this mode. When, I write against a deadline, it all comes together at the end. Until then, I'm in the classic 'ball up paper and toss it' mode. I like the flow of that.

When I photograph it defies my nature - it requires planning - yikes and, yet, instinct which I love. It requires patience. When I see something, I want it; but it makes me wait. God does that to me too, make me wait for His best and gives me the instinct (when I don't ignore it) to recognize when I have it. I've screwed up some shots and many a shot in life not allowing patience to work 'experience, and experience hope; and hope' which maketh not ashamed. You get the picture! Not just what you saw, but everything that take had in it. I'm learning not to settle; to get the shot. Because I've begun to learn, I have my Beloved Boaz.

My mother used to say I was 'whatever age' going on 40. There was something to what she was saying. I took some test on Facebook and it said I tested to be the age 60; YIKES!!!!! But I'm beginning the life of the curious case of Shelz. I'm learning to come to God as a child. This lesson was re-triggered in Bible study tonight. He said I am His own. He would help me walk and he would feed me. He would quiet my cares. "Unless you come to me as a one these ..." Here I come Abba Father.

TX trippin' Giant wise

Well as I continue the Texas saga, we finally connect with the Giant. As the husband kept saying tell me again, why did we make this trip? - all together at last!

He called when he was ready, and the eldest and I set out to get him. Well, did you know there were two AF bases in Lackland - we ended up, of course, at the wrong one. Through some sibling cellphone discussion in which while driving I referreed :-), we finally arrived where he was stationed that Friday evening. Today he is on his way to our direction, before continuing on to new orders in Washington state.

That Friday, he showed us around, introduced us to some of the people he knew, and we took some pictures and then headed with him back to our home away from home so that all of us could go out to dinner. Another sibling conversation insued about what is the best steakhouse in Texas. After picking up the rest of our passengers we went looking for the eldest's recommendation - 1.5 hour wait. So we drove around the area - there were a lot of eaterys - checking time. We left the Giant at the Outback, because they had a .75 hour wait, to check out some more only to find that was our best bet. Outback - it was! We enjoyed ourselves and each other, and the food was delicious. By now it was late and we were all very tired and the giant had a curfew. The men (strange referring to the kids as adults even still) took him back against the odds of extreme traffic and delivered him there on time.

A week ago Saturday morning, as we had arranged, we set out early, after checking out of the hotel, for the base to have breakfast. As it was, we were too late - by a minute or so. Our second plan was to go to the PX to experience military shopping - so we waited for the bus. And on that icy wind morning, we waited and waited and waited. The every half hour bus hadn't shown up in over an hour. It was on that note we had to say our 'goodbyes' as we had to get back to Denton, and then back home before the end of Sunday night. Military life had its effect on the Giant in ways difficult to deliniate, beyond the fact that we needed a dictionary for all the acronyms he spoke. He had worn his military 'dress' that day so we could take pictures. I guess all mothers want to say of their son, he looks a little thin. I'm so glad we made the trip and at least a little time with the oldest son. Love that boy!

So we departed from him and headed north due Denton.

rainy days and decembers ...

It's my favorite time of year - celebrating the advent of Christ. I'm moved by movies, and sentiments, and watching people. And there are birthdays in this month - 2 daughters, 1 brother in law, 1 son in law, and many dear friends, and I became 50.

Two years ago my mom died - it was my birthday. I was going to wake her for church - the husband was giving the message. I found later, after the firemen came and the paramedics lined the front of the house and the stairway, after I encouraged my husband to do what he does so I would have the comfort of knowing all was well with that part of the world, after holding her and wondering what diabetic crisis I had caused in my ineptitude, talking her back to this world with no avail, after alerting the brother and sister we had a situation with mom, later after following over to the hospital - she was having cerebral hemorrhage. She left us two days later.

The season has been this way for me for some time though, before the husband who has done wonderful things to make this season for me, I used to spend the holidays with the sisters family and still struggled. She has her season of difficulty, but Christmas is mine. This year the job is ambivalent, the church has a interim pastor and its in its own state, all the college kids are gone and our house is having quieter days, the giant graduates from boot camp at the end of the month in Chicago and I can't get there between weather and fares. But, life is not just some piece of cake. It's not just going to go my way.

Regardless, I love the season. I love my family. I love my friends. I love this time of year. Christ came and He is coming again! I don't know about rainy days and decembers, but the reason for the season IS!

a rainy december's day lilies wont to play

I planted these lilies after the service Resurrection Day. I was surprised to see them already in bloom; but come to find out - they're not early; they're a mite bit late! This was a favorite flower of my mom's.

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these._{Matt 6:28,29}

Think it's time for me to sit down and watch that movie; mom loved Sidney Poitier too. She passed away not two years ago around this time; it's funny the things that come to mind. Interesting that they should bloom now and fade around her birthday after the reprisal of Spring.

"I come to the garden alone ...

While the dew is still on the roses
and the voice so clear whispers in my ear
The Son of God discloses.

[refrain]
And He walks with me
And He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known."

I have to find the sheetmusic for that song - it was a favorite of my mom's; I was re-acquainted with it last week at our women's study. I had not previously read any Max Lucado, but I am certainly impressed with Cure for the Common Life. It was in the book's chapter 11 - Take This Job and Love It - that our study engaged in. Among other story points, it reflects on two workers (a successful crowd attention grabbing messenger and a no net worth frustrated fisherman), in the book of Luke, by the Sea of Galilee; and it brings about a forced interflection on one's own attitude. It is well worth the reading, regardless of one's calling or the source of one's paycheck in life. Lucado's words and especially their message and the precious words of that song, He Walks With Me (In the Garden), resonated with me. I was reminded that even knee deep in mire, I am in the garden of His love. Where are you right now? ... take time to smell the roses ... Come to the garden!

"He speaks, and the sound of His voice,
Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing."

[Refrain]

Wherever we are, work or whatever, the questions continually begs if His voice is calling, are we listening? is our response obedient? are we answering 'Yes, Lord"?

"I’d stay in the garden with Him
Though the night around me be falling,
But He bids me go; through the voice of woe
His voice to me is calling."

[Refrain]

ginormous Giant 'mom' ent

Continuing in one's life as a mother has exponentially to borrow a word from a precious friend, 'huge' or his equally special daughter-in-law's 'ginormous' 'mom'ents.

My first baby boy is off to the military. Tomorrow the Giant embarks upon his naval career, leaving for boot camp in Chicago. Two months into two years, he's leaving and I will miss him. He is special and a joy to my heart. I'm not keen on this war, but I'm keen on him and, as I hum "His Eye is on the Sparrow", I am trusting him to God. We prayed over him at church this morning and the pastor spoke about the 30 men of God that surrounded David, James 5, and the Lord's hedge. Of the Giant's 30 or so crew, Lord let me be first in line!

My love for you goes with you boy! Do; learn; be what you've gotta- God's will be done; the Lord be with you in it all! May He give you wisdom and discernment, peace, and return you home safe and whole. And when ever you don't have the answers I borrow upon a friend's favorite shirt - 'Ask the Chief!'

Whenever I am tempted,
whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing,
when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him,
from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow,
and I know He watches me.

Giant, I know He watches thee!

left only the power to pray

Being a mother isn't always a joy; sometimes it's painful. You have to let your children fly. You have to let them be at the bottom of a pile of bodies in a football tackle. You have to let them fly. Sometimes the direction you see them going in leaves you so utterly frightened, you are left only with the power to pray and thankfulness that God answers prayers. So, I'll keep praying.

Decoration Day?

Why do you celebrate Memorial Day? I used to confuse the purpose with Veterans Day - some how in my mind they were synonomous with people who had passed away and with those doing so serving our country. Too, heretofore, not many people I knew had passed away. I look at holidays more particularly now; when I grew up I took them for granted as a day off to have fun. I want to and for my children to understand the significance of what we commemorate and celebrate.

Answers.Com indicates "in addition to remembrance, this is also a time for picnics, family gatherings, and sporting events. Some Americans view Memorial Day as the unofficial beginning of summer and Labor Day as the unofficial end of the season. The national Click it or ticket (CIOT) campaign ramps up beginning Memorial Day weekend, noting the beginning of the most dangerous season for auto accidents and other safety related incidents. The USAF '101 Critical days of summer' also begin on this day as well".

Here's where some confusion comes in - "some Americans use Memorial Day weekend to also honor any family members who have died, not just servicemen". In particular, "the Southeastern United States celebrates Decoration Day as a day to decorate the graves of all family members, and it is not reserved for those who served in the military." It is too a day of presenting American flags. "Christian Church services on the Sunday prior to Memorial Day may include a reading of the names of members who have died during the previous twelve months."

Well the United States federal holiday we celebrate the last Monday in May is Memorial Day, also known as Decoration Day. Originally held (1868) in commemoration of soldiers killed in the American Civil War, its observance later extended to all U.S. war dead. The History Channel says "Memorial Day is much more than a three-day weekend that marks the beginning of summer. To many people, especially the nation's thousands of combat veterans, this day, which has a history stretching back all the way to the Civil War, is an important reminder of those who died in the service of their country."

The White House Commission on Remembrance has free songs at its Web site entitled the National Moment of Remembrance Home Page. One can download different renditions of the song "On This Day" by Charles Strouse, as well as Taps. Many others have contributed works for Memorial Day, including other famous songs and poems.

My father, who passed away in 1980, served in the Korean war - a defining time in his life being a springboard to the intelligent and multi-talented man I knew. One of his talents was being musically inclined - being able to play numerous instruments; while in the army he was a bugler. My mother passed away December 2005; I still can't believe she's gone - she must be at my sister's and I should call her, you know!?! The husband's parents passed in recent years, his father too a brilliant man who also served his country.

With understanding about this day now, personally I will remember these people this Memorial Day and I will give thanks to God for their being in my life and for the family that I have here with me. I will celebrate too, as we sojourn on this planet until we believers too go on to our heavenly home, that by the grace of God someone more may be going with me as I live to witness Jesus. Now that is really something to celebrate!

May you have a blessed Memorial Day celebration and reflection with the sweetness of recollection and the hope of a heavenly reunion and may God bless all those who put their lives on the line for their countrymen.

the borne identity ...

From 'birth' to 'bearing and having borne' children goes from bringing them into this world to the concepts of ...

1. To yield fruit; produce: peach trees that bear every summer.
2. To have relevance; apply: They studied the ways in which the relativity theory bears on the history of science.
3. To exert pressure, force, or influence.
4. 1. To force oneself along; forge.
   2. To endure something with tolerance and patience: Bear with me while I explain matters.
5. To extend or proceed in a specified direction: The road bears to the right at the bottom of the hill.

Only one can birth, but a mother can be a force within and bear the lives of many. My quiver is full. The son I didn't birth had a lot of mothering over the years (as have all my children), specifically from his own and steps like myself who was at the end of that road. Joseph was Jesus' dad, but he too had an impact on the child he raised; too the woman who took in Moses as her child. Although knowing we are not initiator, we know that some plant seeds, others water, others sow.

This son presented me this for mother's day.

My Mother

Sometimes life just seems so difficult, if you know what I mean.
So much you have to do, for you maybe provide, cook, or clean.
There is something interesting about the way you've intervened in my life. When I was lost you held on believing even though I put you through much strife. As I look back on the way raising was put to play,
You somehow distinctly always knew what to say.
Even though sometimes I felt it was harsh or difficult in my own way.
I suppose I had to trust in you, believe that we would agree one day.
If you add two and two together they say you will get four.
If you add mother after mother I've had, I say you get a whole lot more.
I thank GOD for the way each of them had a special impact of their own.
When I see them look into my eyes there face tells me "Wow look how much he's grown."
I try to say sometime special, just a simple word or two.
But behind the tears I say secretly "Give honor to whom it is due."
Sometimes I wonder if you know how much I am in debt to you.
I could have simply gave you a card, but those words just don't feel true.
There is so much beauty and virtue of a woman whose life is awe inspiring art. Since I have some skill with words I might as well honor you with my heart. Thank you for your patience, discipline, and love.
I can look up in the sky and see my mom, a beautiful sky lit dove.
So much purpose and care she has, just me your son.
I compare a dove to you, so you can think of me the next time to see one.
Thank you once again for all that you do.
I know you know this but I'll say it again, "I love you too." _{RCN III}

The sentiment from our college middle daughter's card told me I always make her feel at home.

It was a day of hugs and 8 year old kisses; I am blessed to have committed so many forgeries ;-).

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her._{Pr 31:28}

Woman On the Move Across the Nation

At WomensHealthGov, I joined the Women's Challenge starting NationalWomen's Health Week, May 13-19, 2007 virtually walking across the pacific coast from Alaska to Hawaii - received a free pedometer too! The Challenge goes through the 4th of July weekend. Today, Mother's Day was a great day to start. I've lost 15 pounds and wore for the Day a teal summer dress with jacket I bought online about a year ago and I wasn't able to squeeze my hips into it, much less my bust. Well, today I wore it and I was looking sharp!

I'm four months away from my Hawaii vacation, and I'm just thanking God and looking forward to the me who will be going on that trip with the husband. I'm truly grateful not only for the husband's support, but also his encouragement and participation.

You may have noticed my walking tracker down at the bottom with my weight loss tracker - it is from when I first got the pedometer. I haven't done much yet, but will do my utmost starting tomorrow. The website itself is very informative about women's health replete with tools and information.

Let me list a couple of places to develop nutrition/fitness tracking and meal planning Lean Cuisine's Wellness and Kraft's Healthy Living (neither program dependent upon their food and some supportive of other programs like WeightWatchers and South Beach Diet) - the beauty of these tools is that they are free and are highly informative of the nutrients lacking and over abundant in your intake; its an eye opener into eating habits and food quality AND your overall daily and weekly progress - tracking weight measurements as well. The difference between them and Sparkpeople.com is these are less inclusive of 'forum' activity although that and journaling is available. I love the christian and overall support found on Sparx.

I took a day off today to enjoy the husband's barbeque ribs - oh and he made the most delicious smoothie! I'll be back on program first thing in the morning! I've had a great weekend - took care of a traffic ticket and was enabled to go to traffic school and spent Friday afternoon in the jacuzzi, where I was also Saturday after some gardening.

And now, if I have found favor in Your eyes, please make me see Your ways, and let me know You, so that I may find favor in Your eyes; and consider that this nation is Your people. And He said, My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. And they said to Him, If Your presence does not go, do not cause us to go up from here. Ex. 33:13-15

Salud!

by the grace of God, she brought you here...

my mother has passed - but I am a mother by blood and most importantly by love. I have loved my kids, their kids and those kids. For me this day is special to have touched a child's heart for a moment, a day, a weeks, months, years, a lifetime. It is of it's ownself a great reward!

Mother's day is a day we can re-kindle what that should mean in our own lives.

I was trying to come across activities:

Biblical Moms Quiz

2) has some nice activities Have a "Girl Power Trivia" contest! Write down questions about famous real and fictional girls, including Pippi Longstocking, Cinderella, the Power Puff Girls, and so on. You might ask, How did Pippi Longstocking wear her hair?" "What did Cinderella wear to the Ball?" or "Which Power Puff Girl wears green?" etc. Read the questions, see who guesses the answer first, and award a prize to the team with the most correct answers.

3) Arrange a dress up center with old clothes, hats, and accessories. Use a floor length mirror so they can see their creations and take pictures.

Happy Mother's Day!

The Giant had a birthday this week and my mother's birthday would have been this week also. Just thinking about the both of them in the midst of this very busy week. The Giant requested my meatloaf and said the result was one of the best! There's a few things I make well, as attested to by my family - and meatloaf is one of them! Mom would have loved it too!

Too today my youngest cousin on my mom's side was married on a cruise ship - right now they would be asail to the Mexican Riviera. My oldest cousin is in town from Jersey for the occasion. Hoping to spend more time with her before she returns home the end of next week.

Hoping to catch up with my brother too; I haven't been too sucessful in doing that. His son will have a birthday the end of this week as well.

God bless us every one!

remains of the day ...

I was doing my usual 'keeping in touch' by reading blogs of friends of mine, when I recognized that I haven't been as cheery (even when some were in the midst of pieces of sadness) as most, even waxed a bit morbid. That's not really fair to the reason for the season. And so ... my 'remains of the day'.

There are those that deal with holiday blahs in some way or another. I deal with it to some degree at Christmas time and I have a sibling that struggles with the New Years celebration. Compound that with losing a loved one around that time of year, and things get a little harder. My mother went on to heaven last December. Too I spent some 16 years single parenting - the husband saved me from all that, bless his heart. The holidays then, though, represented loneliness and some sort of effort in futility in trying to create something for your children that seemed to be all over the floor, torn up in pieces of wrapping paper of unwrapped gifts. Still, while not the best parent in the world, those were precious years of 'mom'hood. They're just easier now and the husband has made the holidays easier too.

Here's one person's presentation of this phenomena:

THE HOLIDAY BLAHS !

Copyright: 12/29/92:

Thomas K. Hyland, Jr.


Well, each year the season seems to set upon us sooner.
Once upon a time, "Black Friday" was the official onset,
when all the shopping "zealots" of the world,
would descend upon the malls, in a great, gargantuan array.

But now, as the Halloween decorations are removed from the shelves,
their Christmas counterparts rapidly replace them ---
on All Saints' Day !

Every year, we're gon'na get a head start, right? Ho! Ho!
But, there's always that "last-minute project" at home,
rearing its ugly head, you know:
--- like: stripping the old wallpaper from the walls and ceiling,
or spackling and painting with nimble-fingered feeling,
or something equally laborious and unappealing.


Well, somehow you manage to perform a balancing act:
a lot'ta work on the "project,"
a little Christmas shopping, a lot'ta choir rehearsal,
an occasional "break" of shooting pool, and "tilting" a brew or two,
interspersed amidst a smidgen of familial chagrin,
all the while with a growing "knot" of stress within.

Then, finally: the "project" is finished,
the shopping is almost done, the gift-wrapping near completion,
the tree is up and trimmed, the candles are in the windows,
the house, cleaned and appropriately adorned,
and two out of four concerts have been performed,
what, pray tell, could possibly be next ?

Then, Bingo! The next thing you know, it's Christmas Eve!
The stockings are all hung by the chimney with care,
the grand, gorgeous glazed ham is baking in the oven,
the carols are playing on the old Panasonic,
the mood is quite warm, perhaps even harmonic,
but --- oops! The clock is still ticking off the minutes.

One-half-hour to: shower, shave, dress,
and get to the Church on time!
The Handbells are ringing the Prelude at six o'clock Mass.
Whew ! Made it ! Five minutes to spare!
"Regal Celebration" was quite good, tho' the rush was a mite unruly,
with a few "dings" and "dongs" transposed by --- Yours Truly.

Then it's into the van, and back to the house.
All the creatures are stirring, really in a tizzy,
now, baste the ham, stuff the stockings,
wrap the "last minute" gift for Aunt Lizzie.
Aah ! Time to relax and kick off your shoes,
have an "Irish coffee", to warm up your tummy,
un-uumm ! Was that yummy!

Oops ! Where did the time go?
Got'ta be back at the Cathedral by ten-thirty!
Rehearsal, Carol Service, Midnight Mass,
then, back home again, quick as a wink.
The clock chimes twice, as your baggy, bloodshot eyes
beg for blissful slumber, as they blink.

You open a few gifts, savor the flavor of the ham, and as
you gulp another Gaelic libation, the gong strikes three.
That's all folks! The Holiday "Blahs" have dimmed your light,

--- Merry Christmas to All ---

-- and to All --

a Good Night !

Somewhere in all this is a deep sense, at least for me, of the magnitude of this season and the need not to take it nonchalantly. In my little world that was at sometimes lonely, sometimes disappointed, sometimes reaching, reaching reaching ... there has always been a light that was created by the Lord in His love and His salvation in that He came down upon this earth and suffered so much, so much more than I, and is not simply the reason for the season, but the reason for everything - the very life that I have; and that everlasting. That is what I hold on to. Every year I can say Merry Christmas to All!

"Let's Go" by Ashley Lynn

Let’s Go!

(Ashley Lynn –12-13-05)
My mother witnessed a conversation
and it seemed so funny before.
But now, in hindsight, the story she told
has revealed to us so much more.
Early morning, a socialite awoke
and began pacing to and fro,
Until she found her mirror reflection
and replied “C’mon let’s go, Let’s Go!”
That woman talking was my grandmother,
in a moment of Alzheimer’s fog,
What my mother didn’t realize
was that grandmommy was talking to God.
A few days later she left us all,
with the family in shock and dismay,
But she let us know that she talked to God
and asked for things to be this way.

_{by my niece}

a haze of memories for today

One year ago today, on a Sunday go to meeting morning, I discovered my mom in the midst of a cerebral hemorrhage, although I had no idea what was going on. Two days later she passed away. So I am remembering her today. I don't miss her company per se - I spent a lot of years on a different coast than she. But she had been with me since the April before although, as my niece put it, 'in the haze of alzheimers'. But she was there when she kissed me on the cheek. She was there in many ways such as that. I am so grateful for the time.

So, I find I like the memories; its like visiting her. I can surround myself in mental snapshots of times shared like turning the pages of a picture album. I can hear her voice, see her expressions, recall her music, feel her hair as I combed it and smell the conditioner. It makes me sad, but it warms me too - smiles with the tears. I guess that is what bittersweet is; interesting. I'm glad she's with the Lord and at rest; when I see her again, the haze will be gone. Never said it enough when you were here with us but, mommy, I love you !

She gave birth to me on this day, and on this day she began to leave me. Today, she is very near and dear.

'Where everyone knows my name'

Los Gringo's is a Cheers (remember the TV series?) for me - I've come here on my lunch hour nearly every Taco Tuesday for many years past; who wants to remember beyond that? I've come here with co-worker friends and even with my oldest daughter and oldest son. I'll have to get my husband here one day - he's heard so much about it. But what has capped off my oasis of each week is my mother. She, a diabetic with alzheimers disease at 80 years of age, came into my care a year ago April. She had lunch here with all her children - me and my sister (she's out of state) and brother (~about 75 miles away). It was the first time her children had gathered together with her or at all since her birthday-the month she arrived. At Los Gringos she was treated like family, as we all were and I always have been treated. It was a wonderful memory for each to have, as she left us for her final Home no more than a week later last December. They asked about her too when I next I came. Now, those Tuesdays when I come here alone or not, I know she meets me here 'where everyone knows my name'. My sister and brother continue to join me here when we all can be in town.